This got me thinking though... I imagine that while some of the reasons 1982 was a lousy car year are probably the same reasons 2009 will be (tight credit markets, poor consumer confidence, etc) another reason might be just that the 1982 model year saw some of the most god-awful cars ever to roll over the planet. At least these days there are a few bright points of design and innovation... all they had in 1982 was the promise of glacially-slow power windows and faux walnut on the heater controls.
If you will, a gallery of 1982 design:
The 1982 Chevy Caprice.
The two-tone paint/vinyl look was big in the late 70s and early 80s, and that's about the only distinctive characteristic the Caprice can claim. This thing looks like a brown corduroy suit with braces.
The 1982 Cadillac Seville.
Does anything embody the renewed conservative promise of the Reagan years better than this hunchbacked, horrible doorstop of a car? Can any other car claim to be as perfectly matched to the spirit of the 1980s Republican Party than this hideous bastion of a trickle-down economy? This car is all angular suits, brick-shaped cell phones, "greed is good," casual coke use, marbled mirrors in the bathroom, "put the his-and-hers brown velour bathrobes on my gold card, baby" early 1980s slime. Gross.
The 1982 Ford Mustang.
Oh, how the American sports car had fallen by this point. Like a mighty wolf stunted and inbred into a snorty French Bulldog, the Mustang had become little more than a Dirt Devil with seats by 1982. So sad. So ugly.
And lest you think I'm just pounding on Detroit steel here, there were imports that were just as bad:
The '82 Celica.
Resembling a sedan whose butt-end is in the process of getting sucked through a black hole, this little piece of Asian pseudo-sporty was sadly underpowered from three generations of overengineering. Those in search of a fun Toyota would have to wait an entire model year for the 1983 GT-S model to come along.
The 1982 Citroen 2CV.
I used to think these were cute. But now I know that the only people who could roll with the Citroen 2CV look are Captain Beefheart and French cartoon hero Tin Tin.
The 1982 Renault "Le Car"
But possibly the worst car, the absolute nastiest vehicle on the dismal 1982 market, was the "Le Car." From its condescendingly faux-francophilic name to its laughable Eurotrash looks, this AMC/Renault showed the world just how far the quality of Franco-American collaboration had slipped since the American Revolution. And this Mork-and-Mindy rainbow van version may just be the stupidest looking car I've ever seen. It seems they were really reaching for a specific target market with this design. Like ambiguously gay guidance counselors who needed a way to haul their drum sets to jazz band practice.
No comments:
Post a Comment